Ten years together, two kids, no sex in four years

So many of these stories seem like a repetition of my own with different timelines. She was always giving excuses about being tired, it’s too late, too early, headache, kids will wake up, the neighbors will hear, just not connecting, etc, etc. I always accepted her excuses because I was in love and wanted to understand her. Last year she made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want to have sex with me anymore and if I was looking for it, it was just not going to happen. I tried for a year to rebuild our relationship. We had all professional resources available to us. All along she was very clear she just didn’t want to or had the intention of getting back on the relationship.

We’re in the middle of separation this year. It took a year for me to accept that the person I thought I married was just not real. In her eyes, I’m just a mistake she doesn’t want to repeat. So, I’m giving her what she wants. Alimony doesn’t last forever, and children grow up. I married to have a life partner who also wants to be happy with me and has her s*%t together. There is no excuse to stay in a relationship if you’re not happy anymore. It’s not my job to make her happy if she can’t find her own internal joy for life. I didn’t want to measure my marriage by how much sex we had but, the old timers are right, and it’s confirmed by modern psychology, if you’re not having sex, there is something wrong with your relationship.

I was too blind and stupid to see it because I was in love. My grandparents stayed together for over seventy years. My grandmother told me how difficult it was for a period of time but, they both had full intentions to fix and make amendments to what was wrong. The rough part was talking about it but they both knew the value of each other. These are people who were born in the 1920s! In the end, perhaps I was expecting too much from my ex. She just didn’t fit the caliber of people who raised me. Maybe I don’t fit it either. So yes, people might lose their sexual desire for each other over time but, if you don’t care about the relationship, you will find any excuse available to abandon it.

If you want a life partner, don’t expect fairy tale stories and BS decorations around sex

If you don’t want to be honest with your partner, at least be honest with yourself from the very start. This is all a product of your mind. The moment you put decorations on it, you start hiding what it really is. You’re heading straight to ‘disillusion’ as it will never stop being just that. An illusion you’re creating in your head. It’s enough to look at your partner in the eye and enjoy the beauty of intimacy without mind and thoughts between your body and who you really are. Just remember how it was in the beginning.

Sex is a beautiful thing that doesn’t require fluff, candles, mystery or fantasies around it

Were you thinking all the BS you think now? Finally, do your children a favor and don’t put in their heads stupid romantic idealistic thoughts of relationships being a constant bliss… it’s not and it takes a lot effort to make it work for both people. If you’re not ready to do the work, just don’t get married. No relationship works on autopilot and none can read your mind.